


Useless Alpha

by BigDaddyEnergy



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Airhead Reader, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Blue's a helpful bean, Fluff, Horny Skeletons, I don't know anything about survival thx xx, M/M, Obsessive Sans (Undertale), alpha reader, amab reader, for my fellow gaybies, male reader - Freeform, reverse-harem - Freeform, with ulterior motives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25071253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigDaddyEnergy/pseuds/BigDaddyEnergy
Summary: The last thing you remember before washing up on a strange, not-so-deserted island is the company anniversary party you'd been on the previous night.Now you're stuck on an island with several skeletons who all want to move into your little cave. You're a little useless, but luckily, these skeletons seem to be experts on survival.
Relationships: Sans (Underfell)/Reader, Sans (Underswap)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 61
Kudos: 250





	1. you're a little overdressed there, bud

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Writers_War_Z0ne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writers_War_Z0ne/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Soldier and the Carnal Skeletons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18068075) by [Writers_War_Z0ne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writers_War_Z0ne/pseuds/Writers_War_Z0ne). 



You came to very slowly. The sun was high in the sky, soaking you in it’s warmth, and the sand around you was soft and yielding. It cradled your body while the waves lapped at your calves every so often.

For a few minutes you drift in and out of consciousness there on the beach. It’s quiet besides the sound of the ocean and the occasional bird, perfect background noise to calm the constant buzz of  _ work work work _ at the back of your mind.

Speaking of work, the party last night had been fucking crazy… who knew your new promotion would land you on a fucking  _ yacht _ for the company’s anneversary? You barely remembered anything beyond the champagne flutes your boss kept handing you and the bright lights as loud pop music from ten years ago played over the speakers…

Your brows twitched as more memories flooded your half sleep.

The sound of sudden screaming, the floor moving underneath your feet, sliding, life vests, being pushed…

Your eyes snapped open as you pushed yourself up. You’re on a  _ beach, _ when did you get on a  _ beach? _

_ ‘Better than the bottom of the ocean, at least…’ _ You thought to yourself, sitting up. You’re still in the fancy button-down and black slacks from last night. Your dress-socks were soaked just like the rest of you and you’re missing shoes. Not like the loafers would’ve stayed together for much longer if they were even half as wet as the rest of you.

A preliminary glance told you that the pale sand stretched to either direction as far as you could see. Maybe twenty feet away is a treeline.  _ Great. _ You’re deserted on a tropical island, what kind of B-List horror movie have you gotten yourself into this time? With nothing but the clothes on your back and the beginnings of a bad sunburn, if the dull ache making itself known was anything to go by.

“ _ Shiiiitt….” _

You planted your face into your hands and took a few deep breaths. Fantastic. You were as good as dead without any survival skills. You worked in  _ research _ for star’s sake! Spending time in the wilderness was never quite your cup of tea, but you regretted that fiercely at the moment.

What more is there to really do besides wallow?

…

You couldn't think like that! A wave of determination struck you suddenly. You’d seen plenty of movies where this happens! All you have to do is stick it out until someone can rescue you! Yeah!

Y-You could make a rock formation that spelled out  _ SOS _ or something… 

The forest loomed ominously in front of you. You gulped. Well, unless you wanted to get burned even worse than you already were… you should probably try and find shelter among the trees or something… The island seemed to be comprised of mostly rocky mountain, which the tropical trees surround. Hopefully it’s not a volcano or something.

You pulled yourself up, cringing at the way your clothes stick to your body. Ugh. Cotton does  _ not _ go well with boat-sinking-survivor. You quickly unbuttoned it and wrapped the sleeves around your waste. True to what you’d been thinking before, your arms are an angry red that spoke of coming pain.

The dress pants were just as uncomfortable, but you weren’t wearing more than a pair of briefs underneath, and it made you uncomfortable to think about being so exposed in a situation like this one. First things first, you decided to take a better stock of your surroundings.

Littered across the beach, gently swaying with the occasional wave, were different objects. You found a few suitcases which you put into a pile for later inspection, and grabbed some unopened bottles of alcohol that somehow survived. Hey, who knows? If there was no clean water on the island they might just save your life.

… Er… in moderation, of course.

At the end of your search, you’d found three unopened suitcases, two glasses of wine that had pretty low alcohol concentration, a sopping wet table cloth, a bucket, a few chipped glasses, and various miscellaneous broken parts.

Still wary of the forest, you decided to look into the suitcases. One of them obviously belonged to a woman, meaning that the clothes probably wouldn’t fit you, but they might’ve had use later, so you put them aside. The other two bags had men’s clothing. Of the two, one of the contents were way too large for you to reasonably wear without adjusting them. At least there was a pocket knife in that case.

The other was about your size, though.

Thankfully they weren’t formal clothes, and there were even some sneakers that wouldn’t make you look like a clown or choke your feet. With one more look to make sure you were alone, you stripped out of the restrictive formal wear and changed into some cargo shorts and a polo shirt with the shoes. 

Your back smarted at the wet drag of rough cloth, but it was better than leaving your skin to fry.

Underneath the clothes in that suitcase was a veritable gold mine. Seems whoever it belonged to had been quite the clean freak. About a dozen travel-sized toiletries greeted you, sealed for preservation. There was even a tube of toothpaste and a cheap, unopened toothbrush!

It gave you a smatter of optimism. Feeling better about the entire situation, you draped the table cloth over your head for sun protection, shivering at the cold  _ slop _ of it. With new clothes and shoes, you figured it was time to at least assess the forest situation. If you found a good place to camp, you could drag your things over.

You discovered that the forest wasn’t… that bad. It wasn’t too dense, which allowed you to look around and scout. It took about ten minutes to get to the base of the possibly-volcano. To your continuing luck, there were a lot of cave-like formations. None deep enough for you to consider staying there, though.

After trudging left along the mountain, though, you managed to find something…  _ promising. _ The entrance was a whole four feet off the ground, but it was pretty easy to pull yourself up. There weren’t any critters hiding out, and the ceiling was tall enough for you to stand at your full height and then some! It went in about twelve feet and was a little less wide.

“Cave sweet cave!” You exclaimed, almost delirious with relief. It was the second time you’d talked since waking up, and your voice was craggy and dry. Maybe you’d be cracking open the drinks sooner than you thought...

You left the table cloth there as a marker and practically sprinted back to the beach to grab your things. You shoved as much as you could into the suitcases, and attempted to pull all of them along with you as you recounted your steps. When you lugged the last of your things up into the cave, you pulled yourself back up and let out a long sigh.

The sun was starting to set. And all of your doubts from when you first woke up were coming back.

_ How the hell did you get into this situation? _

You didn’t have any emergency supplies. No flares, no drinkable water, no first aid things. What if you got attacked by an animal?

_ But, _ your mind reasoned,  _ the boat went down. Someone must have noticed. Surely they’d at least look for bodies… _

A grim thought, but reasonable. You’d just have to hold out until someone came looking. At least you’re not on the open sea, just waiting for a shark attack or sun-induced hallucinations…

Besides. You’ve never been one to just sit back and take it… er, well…. Not in situations where it came to life or death! Sure, you were a little passive, but you’d try your hardest to stay determined!

Setting up your ‘camp’ seemed like a good way to start. You could lay out clothes to hopefully dry so you wouldn’t get sick from constantly being damp, and set aside the suit cases and bottles somewhere safe. Maybe you should put out the cups to catch rainwater…? You really didn’t know anything about survival…

You did all you could think of, and ended up moving to the very back of the cave as it started to get darker to curl up with your still-wet table cloth. Tomorrow you’d start on your  _ SOS _ . Today was about making it through the night…

Even though your back ached and your mouth was dry, the exhaustion from pulling yourself off of the beach and finding a place to stay won out, allowing you to fall asleep fairly quickly. Surely, if there was anything too dangerous out here, it would’ve gotten you by then, right…?

* * *

Something strange woke you up. It wasn’t any particular noise or needing to use the bathroom - it had been more like a change in the  _ air _ . The energy. Sounds weird but either way you woke up suddenly and with the hairs on the back of your neck prickling. Your eyes were wide in the dark of your cave.

You kept your breath very soft, as if any wrong move would cause pain. For a few moments, that’s all you did. Kept your breathing in check and tried to stay as still as you could. 

_ And that’s when you heard it. _

Shuffling. Suddenly, ignoring your instincts to shoot up and get a good look of whatever danger you were in was much more difficult. Somehow, though, you managed to stay still. The shuffling continued and you heard the dull scrape of something hard against the rock floor of the cave. Your traitorous mind conjured up the image of some sort of big cat or wolf sharpening their claws against the stone.

… You weren’t prepared for the source of your fear to suddenly lean over your prone form, staring into your wide eyes.  _ Lights. _ That’s all your brain managed to register before you jolted straight up with a near shriek, arm flying behind you to grab one of your borrowed shoes. You held it above your head threatening and made a sound somewhere between a growl and yell.

_ Whatever _ it had been startled at your display, backing off to sit a few feet away. For awhile, it was only the sound of your heavy breathing and late night critters outside the cave that reached your ears. The pounding of your heart echoed in your skull, though. You thought you might faint as you looked over your nighttime visitor.

Were you hallucinating from dehydration already? Surely not. But that would be the only explanation for what sat only a few feet away from you. A skeleton. A  _ living _ skeleton. Obviously. Otherwise it wouldn’t be moving, or staring at you with those lights in its sockets. Rib cage moving just as heavily as yours. Hands twitching as its gaze switched from your face to the shoe in your hand nervously.

You held your weapon up a little higher and shook it with a little shout. The skeleton flinched and skittered back a little further. It was wearing… clothes? A dirty, ragged t-shirt and shorts that matched in terms of distress. A surprisingly bright bandanna around its neck. The skeleton didn’t run off, though.

Instead, it slowly lowered its body to the ground and looked down.

_ Submissive, _ your mind told you.  _ Non-threatening. _ For a long, long time, the two of you stayed in that position. The skeleton, on the ground. You, with a shoe held aloft. But eventually, your arm got tired. You dropped the shoe and regarded the curled up skeleton.

“W-Who are you?” You asked.

You only got small noises in response. Seemed the skeleton didn’t speak. English, at least. 

“It’s… It’s okay.” You continued, hesitantly extending a hand. Isn’t that how you should approach a scared animal? Slowly? Let it smell you first? The skeleton didn’t  _ seem _ to be particularly violent… just curious? “You can come here. I won't hurt you.”

Your light encouragement gets the little guy -  _ is it little?  _ \- to lift its head. You kept your hand out, even if it was shaking. The skeleton shuffled forward, then reached out to touch its hand to yours. It runs its phalanges lightly across your palm and you jerk reflexively and let out an almost-laugh.

Something about the interaction must have interested the skeleton, because the little lights in its sockets brightened and it reached out to lightly run its hands over more of your skin. Vaguely, you internalized that this could be getting out of hand, but the skeleton seemed more interested and delighted than anything else when you rewarded its behavior with more laughter.

“You - You’re very touchy, huh?” You asked, knowing you wouldn’t get a reply. The skeleton got bolder at your gentle tone, saddling up close to you and sticking its nasal ridge close to your hair to sniff at you. Even  _ that _ tickled, and before you knew it, you were full on giggling. “O-Oh geez, okay, too much…”

You pushed the skeleton’s skull away and huffed. With little thought, you reached up to pet at the top of its skull. It made an inquisitive noise and pushed up into your hand. Careful not to get too rough, you roughly pet the skeleton, mixing in small scratches at the back of its skull. You found yourself mirroring its wide grin. “... Good boy.” You said softly, “Good boy, who’s a good boy?”

The skeleton trilled. You laughed. This was almost… fun?

“Hey lil fella,” You huffed after some time of petting. “I’m tired, you wanna stay with me?” You knew that you weren't going to get a proper response, but the skeleton seemed to pick up on your tone really well. It backed off and you lowered yourself back to a lying-down position. “You can stay here.” You yawned. “.... You’re good.”

Falling asleep was a bit awkward since the skeleton looked content to watch you try and drift off, sitting less than a foot away and staring into your eyes. Eventually, you turned your back to it, wanting a bit more privacy. After some time, you finally fell back into a light slumber, with thoughts of two bright lights in your mind’s eye.


	2. what's that in your mouth?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The strange skeleton parents Reader for an entire chapter

Blue’s an omega. 

That means he’s submissive, demure, and _weak_. Except Blue’s never been any of those things! He’s strong, he likes to help others! And he’d never backed down in a confrontation, no matter what the presentation of his opponent…

His own presentation frustrated him to no end. But at least… it hadn’t mattered much until he got stuck on this island. The circumstances surrounding it were fuzzy in his head, but Blue distinctly recalled a time _before_ all of this. His head just hurt too much when he tried to think about it.

On this island, Blue was surrounded by bullheaded alphas. The others were infuriatingly _large_ and intimidating, and Blue was forced to abide by the rules of his presentation around them, or else they got snippy and chased him out of their ‘territory’. There's only a sliver of land on the entire island ‘unclaimed’, which Blue occupied when either Classic or Red got pissy again at something he did.

Most of the time it was for _daring_ to hunt in their territory, despite the fact that he said he’d share his catch! Other times it could’ve been refusing to cower like a scared bunny around the others or accidentally leaving his scent around or all of the above.

Being as the ‘unclaimed territory’ (it was really _Blue’s_ , but the others refused to acknowledge that an omega could hold territory) was rather small, Blue knew _everything_ that happened in it. So he knew _exactly_ when a bunch of weird odds and ends started to wash up on the beach.

… But he didn’t remember seeing a fleshy little thing wash up on shore. He hadn’t caught a scent earlier on the beach on one of his regular patrols, but that could’ve been the heavy salt of the ocean masking the scent of whoever washed up. Strangely enough, Blue was too busy in Classic’s territory fighting over a rabbit (it had been in _Blue’s_ territory and ran over!) to realize that there was someone rooting around in his _own_ territory, dragging things his way and that, and even setting up a den for themself!

Now, Blue wasn’t as naturally territorial as the bone-for-brains alphas on the island. But in order to keep them _out_ of his territory, he’d had to adapt somewhat. And as much as he found benefit in sharing territory, omegas being highly social, he knew he’d have to chase the trespasser out in order to retain dominion over his tiny bit of territory…

When he crept up on the cave the other had set up in, their scent was still highly masked by salt and ocean and jungle. It was… odd. For someone’s scent to be weaker than the surrounding elements. Usually, that would indicate that whatever little flesh-being that was currently resting was a beta…

Which gave Blue a pause. Betas were notoriously neutral. No strong scent, no strong mating instincts, and no strong territorial urges.

And Blue was… very lonely. And a beta… a beta wouldn’t go stinking the place up with alpha stench, wouldn’t try to kick him out of his own territory, wouldn’t make him cower under their gaze…

So he decided not to chase them out. For now. Instead, he’d check their temperament and if it was mild… he’d let them stay around. Maybe he could lay down some ground rules and the other could help him with hunting and warding off the alphas that seemed to press in from every side. Surely, they’d take a beta more seriously than an omega… especially if the two joined forces.

…

The plan went sideways when the beta woke up while Blue had been observing them, a spike of their panicked scent revealing two things to him.

  1. They were not a beta (not exactly, anyways...)
  2. This was no random alpha. This was Blue’s _soulmate_



Despite the short burst of _alpha_ scent - tangy, like raw mint and lemony tree sap - the other quickly settled. For a split second, Blue had cowered, they encouraged him to sit up. Which was… different.

Very quickly, Blue was starting to piece together the new plan. The _alpha_ (his soulmate) was playful and showed more signs of being _submissive_ than Blue ever did. Giggling, letting him touch up on them… they didn’t even try to kick them out of the territory they’d just wandered into!

A wide grin split his face. It was… all coming together.

Blue let them sleep for the moment, quickly looking over their things. An assortment of different things Blue’d seen on the beach earlier, placed in some random order. He made sure to leave his own sweet scent on them. His soulmate’s reaction in the morning would let him know more about their temperament. 

* * *

Waking up the next morning was…

Well it was just awful. Your head hurt, your mouth was _dry_ , your limbs ached and your entire body felt like it was on fire. _Thanks, sunburn._

It hurt _so much_ , you were tempted to just shuffle over and fall back asleep. Cracking your eyes open just the tiniest bit revealed that you were _not prepared_ for morning or any of the light it brought.

So you did just what you wanted - turned over.

…

_And were promptly faced with something out of your nightmares_. A _spider_. A big, furry one, that was probably just a little bit smaller than the palm of your hand.

You have never been the bravest guy around. But you’ve killed plenty of spiders in your day for coworkers or your mom. _That thing._ That thing was _not_ a spider. That was a fucking _turantula!_ Looking like it came straight out of a home alone movie!!

“HhhhoooOOOLY SHIT!” You shrieked, scrambling back as far as you could. The tarantula looked completely nonplussed as you started to hyperventilate. Oh stars… you held a hand over your chest, where your heart was beating a million miles within.

Did it… did it bite you while you were asleep?? You paled and looked down at your body, still clad in the ‘borrowed’ clothes from yesterday. You didn’t _feel_ any bites, but just to be sure….

You started to wiggle out of your clothes, first your shirt, then your pants. On the surface, everything looked to be fine…

When you glanced back up, you came face to face with a skull. Fight or flight activated, but you were firmly stuck in the lesser known _freeze,_ unable to move or speak or let out anything louder than a small squeak. Fear kept your body and brain immobilized for what felt like at least a minute, until it hit you all at once.

_The skeleton. From last night._

The events from the previous night flooded your head, and you remembered the skeleton that had been actually rather friendly, if a bit handsy. Slowly, and it was _slowly_ , your body relaxed and you let out a big sigh.

“Ugh… you scared me, buddy…” You whined. The skeleton didn’t answer verbally, instead crawling closer, looking over your mostly naked body.

You pushed it away a little by the face, and it seemed to get the message. The skeleton backed off, then looked over to where the tarantula was still chilling.

“I’d stay away from that if I were you… creepy.” You told the skeleton. Ignoring you completely, the little dude (and in the light of day you can say that the skeleton is _not_ as little as you’d assumed… it was at least your size, if a bit thinner due to the lack of muscle) crawled over to the spider and _picked it up._

You attempted to shuffle back discreetly. The skeleton tilted its round skull at you, let out a short trill, then held the spider _closer to you_. You _yelped_ and curled into yourself in a little protective ball, “No no no!! No, buddy, _bad!!_ ”

Another questioning sound. You peaked an eye open to see your little skeleton buddy eyeing the tarantula in it’s grasp, then had the displeasure of being the witness to a murder. The skeleton _ripped one of the tarantula’s legs off, then ate it._ Ate it.

That had only been the start. The skeleton ripped _all_ of the poor spider’s legs off and chomped on them one by one before finally taking a crunchy bite out of the body. In complete abject horror, you watched your skeleton buddy scarf down the spider like it was a jelly donut. You felt sick.

… But at least the spider was gone?

With shaking arms you patted the skeleton’s head. It grinned at you. “Good boy?” You praised questioningly. The skeleton seemed to like that, so you patted it some more with a small round of affectionate jabber.

You, uh, you didn’t expect the skeleton to start petting you _back._ But it did. It reached out it’s skeletal hand and patted your hair, ruffling the locks and scratching lightly at your scalp. It let out a few happy trills while it did so, sockets lidding… somehow. Weird.

Once again, you had to stop the skeleton when it started getting _too_ excited, trills becoming louder as it scooched closer to you and leaned up against your chest. You grabbed your buddy by the shoulders and pushed him back, “Hey, hey. You’re excitable, huh?”

A trill. You grinned.

Okay, well, so far, having a skeleton friend was turning out to be in your favor! Like a big bony puppy that pets you back! Probably just learned it from you… yeah.

Well… either way, it was time to start the day! You needed to get dressed, go to the bathroom, and see about drinking and eating something… even though your stomach rebelled at the idea after watching your buddy eat a live arachnid. It took a bit of coaxing, but the skeleton stayed in the cave while you did your business, which was a good start.

The clothes you’d left out were still slightly damp, so you just put back on the ones from last night and laced up your shoes. The fabric hurt on your burnt back, but there wasn’t much you could do in that department… you doubted there was aloe magically growing on the island.

Your buddy sniffed at the clothes you were wearing, then tried to rub its body on you, but you pushed it away with a small hiss, seeing as your skin _really_ hurt. For the most part, the skeleton stayed out of your way, sitting close but outside of your personal space while you took stock of everything in the cave.

Finally… you looked over to the bottles of wine. Well. Day drinking had never been a hobby of yours, but it’s five o’ clock somewhere, right? You grabbed one of the bottles and held it to your chest, looking over the label one last time. Then, you popped the cork.

The skeleton (you should probably give it a name…) perked up instantly. For the past half hour or so, it’d been keeping to itself, but as soon as the scent of alcohol hit the air…? It’s sockets narrowed and it gave you a look you might have called a _glare._

Protectively, you held the drink closer. “Hey now, buddy, don’t give me that look… I don’t know if there’s any clean water, okay?”

Your buddy crept closer, looking like a cat stalking its prey. You shuffled back until your sore shoulders were pressed against the back of the cave wall. There was… nowhere to run.

The absurd instinct to _growl_ flashed in your mind, and without thinking, you did. The skeleton flinched and its shoulders lowered for a split second. “That’s a good skeleton…” You said.

Until said skeleton _wasn’t_ good anymore, and it leaped onto you. You yelped again and tried to hold the drink over your head, but your buddy wasn’t having it. You wrestled with the skeleton for a moment, a thrashing pile of bones and limbs, until the skeleton grabbed the bottle, then scampered off to the edge of the cave. You thought it was going to run off with your drink, but it was… so much worse.

The skeleton _dumped the entire bottle over the edge of the cave._

You could only gasp. “ _B-Bad skeleton!”_

The little shit _rolled it’s freaky eye-lights at you!!_ Then had the audacity to make angry noises!! Like _you_ were in the wrong here!!

Like a scolded child, you crossed your arms over your chest and turned away, facing the back of the cave. Bad skeleton. Bad, bad skeleton… you should name it something that reflected just how much of a jerk it was. Like Winston. A proper asshole name.

You heard a sigh-like exhale coming front the skeleton, before it nudged its skull into the crook of your neck from behind. You continued to ignore it. There was another dramatic sigh before thin fingers started poking at your sides. _T-Ticklish!_

Squirming, you held your breath to keep from making any embarrassing noises, but soon, it wasn’t enough. You gasped when the poking traveled up to your ribs and started to thrash about, “Bad skeleton!” You chided, “Bad skeleton!”

Eventually you had to stop ignoring the skeleton so you could get away from poky hands. Your buddy looked at you with sad sockets. You frowned.

Sad sockets don’t make up for dumping out an entire bottle of wine on the forest floor! This skeleton was taking a lot of liberties in _your_ cave… maybe you had to show it who was boss?

“I’m in charge.” You told the skeleton, “ _Me._ I’m the boss. _You_ may eat spiders and stuff, but I call the shots, alright?”

… Your buddy blinked. Figures. Probably didn’t understand a word you just said. So maybe… you should show it? Like… how animals do. Because the skeleton is probably some weird animal that hasn’t been discovered yet. You thought back to last night, how it’d lowered itself when you yelled at it.

Sitting up straight, you put your shoulders back and looked down at the skeleton. Puffin out your chest. Your pose seemed to have some affect. The skeleton’s weird lights got really big and it seemed to reflexively try to become smaller. Alright… now what?

Keeping your pose, you patted the skeleton on the head. There. So it knows you're still friendly. 

...

But the way it was looking at you… it was so sad. And it was making _you_ sad. You dropped your shoulders and leaned down to look the little guy in the sockets.

“Sorry…” You muttered, “guess I’m not any good at this ‘being in charge’ thing, huh?” Your buddy perked up as soon as you got on its level, sadness transforming to something unreadable. It bumped it’s forehead to yours and trilled. You had a short laugh.

“Alright, I can’t stay mad at you…” As you said this, the skeleton grabbed up your hand in its own, and started to tug. You followed it, only to see that the skelton was trying to lead you outside the cave. It made trilling noises at it tried to lead you. Unfortunately, you were somehow not as strong as an animal without _any muscles at all,_ so you ended up being dragged along.

“Where are we going?” You asked, struggling to keep up with the fast pace, “W-Walkies?”

Do skeletons need walks? Do skeletons need to use the bathroom at all?

You were almost afraid you’d lose the cave if you went too far, but your buddy seemed to slow down not too long after and the treeline broke to reveal… a spring. It released you and skipped ahead to dip its hands into the water and take a sip.

Did… Did the skeleton just show you where to get water…? You looked at the small lake. The water was eerily still and looked clear enough. But who knows if you might get, like, a parasite from it…? First things first, if it’s salt water, you can’t drink it at all.

You take a seat next to your buddy and dip a finger into the water, then pop it into your mouth. You can only taste the general salt your body produces, so…? There’s a splashing sound next to you, and you look over to see that the skeleton has some water cupped in its hands, and it’s offering it to you.

How a skeleton holds water in its hands will always be a mystery to you. But you decide… that if this really is some sort of fresh water spring… the water should be safe enough to drink. You bring the skeleton’s hands closer to you and take a tentative sip from the cupped water. It’s weird to be drinking from someone else’s hands… but not weird enough that you would refuse water.

Your buddy seems to be really happy that you accepted the water, and starts petting you on the head again after. Alright. That’s a bit weirder.

But you quickly forgot about that, since your stomach decided that now was a _perfect_ time to growl… the skeleton looked down curiously at your abdomen and poked it before you batted the hand away.

Great. What are you supposed to eat on a deserted island?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The water is clean because I'm the author and I say so. Also it's a magical island with Sans Undertale on it.
> 
> _____  
> Reader: What's that in your mouth?
> 
> US!Sans: ... NOTHING!
> 
> Reader: Show me
> 
> US!Sans: *opens mouth guiltily to reveal tarantula*
> 
> Reader: What the fuck???  
> ____
> 
> US!Sans: WHAT'S IN YOUR HANDS?
> 
> Reader: ... Nothing!
> 
> US!Sans: SHOW ME...
> 
> Reader: *Frantically trying to hide wine bottle*
> 
> US!Sans: FFS


	3. Love Island P.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **NOT A CHAPTER**
> 
> There were a lot more comments than I expected!

**"Yes, just- yes- I love this, it’s making me feel so free long soft ngl, lol. Oh geeze, I can’t wait to see how our beloved , clueless child will react to the others and vice versa."**

> “Oh, that’s so sweet! We’re all soft here!” Reader said, looking over the comment with a bright grin. Blue peaked his head over Reader’s shoulder and looked over the contents, raising a brow when he got to a certain part.
> 
> Reader found the part soon after, and frowned with a displeased noise. “I’m glad you think I’m beloved… but I’m not _that_ clueless, am I?” 
> 
> Blue hummed something non committal. While Reader sulked, he looked over to you.
> 
> “I HAVE A PLAN FOR THAT.”
> 
> “For what?” Reader asked, head popping up.
> 
> “ER, THAT IS - NOTHING.” Blue corrected, his skull flushing as he looked away.
> 
> Reader stuck out his tongue, “Okay, keep your secrets. What do they mean by ‘others’?”
> 
> “I HAVE NO IDEA.” Blue lied through his teeth. Luckily Reader lacked just enough brain cells to not question the statement at all.
> 
> “Alright, let’s move onto the next comment…”

**1) oh god that poor spudere**  
**2) eh, bet blue is so confuzzled**  
**3) oh no blue’s gonna get a complex.**

> Reader gasped, “Oh stars… I'd almost forgot about the spider. Poor little guy.”
> 
> Blue rolled the lights in his sockets, “YOU DIDN’T WANT IT WHEN I OFFERED IT TO YOU.” 
> 
> Reader shrugged.
> 
> “You’re right. I don’t feel so bad for him. Next time, though… please take it outside the cave.”
> 
> “IF I HAD KNOWN IT WAS GOING TO BE A PROBLEM, I WOULDN’T HAVE LET IT CRAWL ON YOU.”
> 
> Alarmed, Reader’s gaze whipped up from the comment to Blue. “You let that thing crawl on me??”
> 
> “YOU WERE ASLEEP - LET’S MOVE ON.”
> 
> “Hmph. Okay.” Reader read the rest of the comment, “Oh, yeah. Blue doesn’t know a lot about the human anatomy yet.”
> 
> “I KNOW ENOUGH.” Blue retorted.
> 
> “And what are you supposed to be developing a complex about?”
> 
> “...” Blue’s sockets drooped as he patted Reader on the head, offering small scritches. Without realizing it, Reader leaned into the touch and hummed. “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.”

**So is the reader going to be the opposite of the original and be submissive all around or is there going to be character development where he figures out how to take charge?**

> “H-Hey!” Reader gasped, “I’m not submissive! Where’d you get that idea???” 
> 
> “THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT ORIGINAL?” Blue questioned with squinty sockets.
> 
> Reader nudged Blue with his shoulder, “You’re missing the point. They’re calling me submissive, do something.” He pouted.
> 
> Blue sighed and looked straight at you, “CONGRATULATIONS. YOU FOUND THE POINT OF THE FIC. THIS MAN LACKS A BACKBONE.” He punctuated the statement with a flick to Reader’s forehead.
> 
> “Hey!!” Reader yelped. “I can… I can do character development!”
> 
> “.... SURE.”

**Oh my gosh he's an idiot, but he's Blue's idiot now.**

**Glad Blue stop him from drinking the wine but if Blue wants kisses he's gonna have to not eat bugs in front of me**

> “These people sure are mean…” Reader grumbled. “I’m not an idiot. I do research about something vague for the purpose of ambiguity and relatability.”
> 
> Blue gave Reader a deadpanned look, feeling as though the alpha had completely missed the point. “... YES. HE IS.” He said, finally.
> 
> Looking at you, Blue responded to the rest of the comment. “DAY DRINKING ISN’T HEALTHY. I DON’T KNOW _WHERE_ HE GOT ALCOHOL ON THIS ISLAND BUT HE WON’T BE DRINKING ANY ON MY WATCH.”
> 
> “...” Blue looked over the last part of the comment for a minute, before looking at you and grinning widely, making sure every one of his teeth could be seen. “REALLY? YOU WOULDN’T SMOOCH THIS SKELETON?”
> 
> You could see tiny hairs sticking out of his teeth. Strangely menacing. You shivered.

**Lol, well that's a lot to be learned from this.**

**A determined Sans is a scary Sans.**

> Reader nods along to the next comment. “Blue’s a great teacher! He’s real good at living on an island.” He considered his next words carefully, “I wouldn’t call him scary, though. He’s a big puppy!”
> 
> Blue bats his sockets at you innocently, “I’M ONLY AN OMEGA. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU PEOPLE GET THESE THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD...”
> 
> As Reader looked away, Blue’s eye-lights extinguished. “SAY NOTHING” He mouthed.

**I love this so much! Them trying to figure eachother out is so cute! The tarantula scene had me laughing. These two are such fun characters! Great writing!**

> “Oh my gosh!!” Reader exclaimed, “Thank you!! I love you too!” He slung an arm over Blue’s shoulder and drug the skeleton closer, “It isn’t easy with a language barrier, but Blue’s really nice when he isn’t dumping out all of my wine.”
> 
> “YOU WOULD HAVE DIED…”
> 
> “Bleh, you don’t know that. Also,” Reader looks at you and grimaces, “I’m glad at least one of us can find humor in the tarantula situation. Stars, I’m scarred for life…”
> 
> “PROTEIN.” Blue insisted. “AND THANK YOU! THE MAGNIFICENT SANS IS AN EXTREMELY FUN GUY!”
> 
> “Me too!” Reader called out.

**.... that’s one way to get rid of a spider**

> “WHY DO YOU ALL KEEP BRINGING UP THE SPIDER?”
> 
> “... It was _really_ nasty.” Reader told Blue.
> 
> “IT WAS EFFICIENT. YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO BE WASTEFUL WHEN YOU LIVE ON AN ISLAND.” Blue lectured crossly.
> 
> “... Should I be taking notes…?” Reader absentmindedly questioned.

**Oh my gosh, I really love how you're portraying blue!**  
**Abd them learning and interacting with each other is both funny and cute!**

> “THANK YOU.” Blue told you with a self-satisfied smile, “FINALLY, SOMEONE REALIZES THE MAGNIFICENCE OF MY CHARACTER.”
> 
> “Oh, this reminds me of that meme!” Reader said, “Okay okay, so imagine that you’re Gorden Ramsey, but not actually him, just an image, okay… so then you’re looking at Blue and you say ‘Finally! Some good fucking Blue!’” Reader giggled to himself hysterically at the mental image.
> 
> Blue shook his head. “I’LL NEVER UNDERSTAND YOU.” He looked to you, “I PUT IN A LOT OF WORK TO MAKE SURE THINGS RUN THIS SMOOTHLY… THANK YOU.”

**1\. i'd smooch Reader  
2\. i'd smooch US!Sans  
3\. US!Sans is top tier mother hen**

> “Oh gosh…” Reader blushed, holding his hands over his cheeks. “I can’t believe a cutie wants to kiss me!”
> 
> “I’M RIGHT HERE.” 
> 
> “You can kiss them too, it says right here!”
> 
> Blue gave Reader an unimpressed look. Reader didn’t notice. With a heaving sigh, Blue looked at you and scooted to put some space between him and Reader. Reader pats the space excitedly.
> 
> Blue had a subtle smile while Reader beckons you over so you can sit between them and receive a cheek smooch from both.

* * *

Reader side-hugged you, “Thanks for reading!! And leaving a comment!!”

Blue leaned in as well, shooting a peace sign, "BE SURE TO LET THE HEAD GAY KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF OUR Q&A."

"Head Gay..." Reader mumbled, "Isn't that a bit of a mouthful...?"

"DON'T ASK QUESTIONS."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew... let me know if you guys liked this! And if you like after-chapter comment responses like this one, or if you'd prefer a separate fic for them...? 
> 
> Any comments on the chapter after this will get added into the chapter above unless it's after the newest chapter... But that isn't to say that I won't still read/respond and love them a lot!!
> 
> Also, if you'd like usernames/nicknames to be attached to the comments. I know comments are public, but lemme know if you're uncomfortable with your name attached to the comment you've made!
> 
> I think this is a really great way to do short character studies, also, it's fun!

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Disaster Gay Island. Lead by me, your head Disaster Gay. Thanks for joining us, I hope you enjoy your stay!


End file.
